Reply to Every sign, signal, Instinct, etc in the world is telling me to leave

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP - I'm going through a divorce right now and not even close to an end now and we are coming up on a year of separation. The posters advocating for counseling are 100% correct. [b]You need to do everything you can to save your marriage and family. [/b]The counseling will be very telling and how each of you responds will give you a better perspective because there is no stonewalling in therapy.  Therapy is not necessarily for fixing a marriage but really defining what is going on and if it is worth saving.

[b]Divorce is horrible, the process is horrible. It is an all out war and things get very, very ugly.[/b] You look back and think, "My God, how did it ever get this bad with someone you used to be in love with?"

If the marriage has to end, then at least you know you tried. But go in with eyes wide open to what will likely be a very mean, costly and painful process. It does get better, but make sure you have a good therapist for yourself to help you navigate your new normal.

It's just all so very sad. Hoping you all can find peace.[/quote]

I disagree that you need to do everything you can to save your marriage. There's only so much one person can do, and if the other person isn't willing to do their part (and really and truly do their part to change, not just say the right things in counseling then revert back as soon as they get home), it's not worth trying to save.

I went through a horrible war of a divorce. The things that made it horrible - my xH's need to control and retaliate - were the same things present in our marriage. I'd have to deal with them either way, at least with divorce I dealt with them far less, and I had legal representation to back me up. We did counseling for YEARS prior to the divorce and it did nothing. I wish I had just ended the marriage right from the get-go, rather than go through additional years of misery because I felt pressure to do everything I could to save things. Those are years I'll never get back.[/quote]

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