Reply to How to comfort friend after disappointing delivery?

Forum Index » Expectant and Postpartum Moms

Reply to "How to comfort friend after disappointing delivery?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here- thanks, all.  My instinct is always to try to share my experience and give advice based on what worked for me, but this was a good reminder to listen first.[/quote]

Yes, please fight that instinct tooth and nail. When you do, you’re making it all about you. It’s not helpful at all. If she asks you what to do, then sure, offer it. But you can’t offer it if she’s not asking. She will know you care because of the way you listen to her, the way you paraphrase her and the way you sit in the discomfort of it all with her. [/quote]

Omg so true.

I had a traumatic first birthday-severe pre-e at 35 weeks, induction, foley bulb, magnesium drip, two failed epidurals, 72 hours of labor and then a forceps delivery without any pain meds after pushing for 6 hours. Then baby was in NICU for a week, and breastfeeding never worked out.

What I wanted more than anything at the time was for someone to just really listen to the whole story and process it with me and ask questions. Like I wanted someone to sit down with me and give me their undivided attention for a full hour and just draw me out and let me talk about it, beaming back comments like “that doctor sucked!” Or “OMG!! What?!”

And nobody could do that for me for some reason. I tried to do it with my DH, but it was all traumatic for him and he couldn’t go there with me. I tried to do it with a friend and she kept interrupting to talk about how different her births were from mine. I tried to talk about it with my therapist and even she was kind of rushing to the conclusion/lesson part of it all. This was in the days after the birth. I never got to tell my story and that’s what I most needed. I feel like if I had gotten that, I could have moved on so much faster. But all my friends kept making it about their story and their experiences and making comparisons and it all left me feeling so dismissed and judged.[/quote]

There is something about childbirth that shuts people off. Maybe it is being reminded of their own mortality. I'm sorry your therapist failed you. I will never judge people for having a doula. Sometimes you just need someone to be nice to you in your low moment. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics