Reply to How to comfort friend after disappointing delivery?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in a similar spot and I can tell you what NOT to say:

"At least you and baby are healthy, that is all that matters!"

"I know how miserable you feel not getting your ideal birth plan." --> you don't know her misery, it is hers.

The worst thing people can say is anything about their own pregnancy or "I know how you feel".

I would keep it vague and just listen. 
"I'm sorry about your birth plan. How are you feeling?" 
"I'm sorry you had a traumatic birth (or however she describes it, repeat words)." [/quote]

This. She is a poor candidate for a VBAC because of the reason for the C. She may never get to have a vaginal birth. OP you don't have a time machine and [b]you can't say for sure she won't have problems because of her C.[/b] [/quote]

This. I know several older mothers who experienced fertility issues related to their c-sections (two due to  infection following surgery, one due to scarring) they all went on to have additional children but if any of them had not been able to eventually conceive I would have felt like a real jerk if I had said “oh this is no big deal”.  Not relevant if you know she’s one and done but if she wants more children be very careful about what you say now.[/quote]

I have a neighbor who has a PGS normal embryo she probably won't transfer because she had surgical infection from her C section. Know somebody else on a different forum who has secondary infertility from her C section. I myself had an ultrasound scare from my C section (appearing then disappearing defect) that still has me wondering if my uterus is going to rupture if I attempt a VBAC.

My husband was hospitalized for 5 days for pancreatitis/gallbladder and he never got any LOL AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT DEAD comments. Nor did he get handed a baby in the hospital to take care of while recovering from his gallbladder removal (like I did after my C section). [/quote]

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