Reply to Men who try to use their feminism to get you to like them

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Has anyone actually called him out on it?

I’m very feminist, and I’d probably say “it’s very anti-feminist to discuss your sex life and hurts both your partner and the women you are talking to”. Then just repeat.

He’ll probably balk and make excuses, and I’d say “the feminist thing to do is listen to what women are telling you and re-consider your actions, not to defend your unethical actions”.

Like I have BIPOC friends who call me out when I say/do dumb things. I don’t defend it, I listen to what they say and adjust my behavior. He needs to do the same. [/quote]

That's a valid way of handling it but I don't think it should be expected.

Sometimes I have the energy and interest to educate someone on their bad behavior and sometimes I don't. Often it comes down to how invested I am in them as a person. I'm much more likely to call out a good friend for saying/doing something offensive and dumb, especially since if we're friends I have already vetted them enough to know that they actually care about how their behavior impacts me and will be motivated to be more thoughtful in the future.

But a random coworker I barely know? Sorry, but I don't think I have an obligation to them really. If the stars align and I'm in the mood maybe I take them under my wing and teach them some stuff. But if I'm already spread thin, it's the middle of a pandemic, and they have a grating personality generally, I don't know if that is the best use of my time and energy, frankly. And it could actually backfire on me because I have no idea what their intentions are and they might get pissed at me for saying something and then I'm in a conflict when I could have just minded my own business.

You know, blah blah blah emotional labor and all that.[/quote]

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