Reply to What sustains a marriage more -- good sex life or good friendship?

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Reply to "What sustains a marriage more -- good sex life or good friendship?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know the answer because I don't think there is one answer, but I will say this:

My marriage is currently in a very dry period with regards to sex, for two reasons (1) I am working through PTSD from sexual assault that was triggered when I had my DC, and (2) we have a child under the age of 5. I guess also (3) Covid.

Were it not for our friendship, this would be impossible. It's hard anyway, but obviously since we are really not having sex right now, there would just be no way to sustain our marriage without the friendship piece. Even with the love. Romantic love is great and we have that too, but it doesn't get you through the really tough stuff. For that, you really need a deep emotional bond, which we have. Also intense loyalty and commitment.

I have every reason to believe our sex life will come back given the effort we are both putting in right now. But I know I'm not the first person to go through something like this (i.e. having absolutely no interest in sex due to trauma), and I think if your marriage does not have an emotional component that can survive even without sex, then it's going to be harder to go the distance. Because while some people manage to maintain sex at a steady level for 40-50 years, the vast majority don't. Kids, stress, grief, aging, menopause... odds are very good you will hit a dry spell or three or five. I don't know how people who don't have the friendship component survive that, and my suspicion is that by and large they don't, and that leads to divorce withs one frequency.

Sometimes I laugh a bit when people on here say "our bedroom is dead" because I feel like it's so self-defeating. It's dead if you say it is. My husband and I haven't had sex in months, but we are still intimate and loving, and importantly, we are both working towards a time when we can have sex again. Our bedroom isn't dead it's just on pause. But practically speaking, we are having no more sex than some of the people talking about this issue as though it's the end of everything. The friendship piece is the difference.[/quote]

I strongly suspect your husband would describe things MUCH differently. [b]Men don’t go too long in “dry periods” before they start looking around for other available options.[/b][/quote]

I'm curious how long of a "dry period" needs to be for the man goes looking around for "available options?" [/quote]

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