Reply to Relationship with someone you’re not initially physically attracted to

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m OP.  Have a friend of a friend I’m increasingly running in circles with- never paid much attention to him before, but as we see each other more, I’ve noticed how much we have in common and genuinely kind he is- so I’m just noticing him more.  He’s not ugly, just not my type, but wondering if maybe I have been too superficial in the past.  [/quote]

And let me guess you're 30 something and desperate for the ring and babies.

Don't use this man.[/quote]

In fairness I don’t think that women in this headspace realize that they are using the man until it is far too late then they are unhappily married. Life is not on a deadline for men the way it is for women and it distorts your thinking.[/quote]

New poster. Wow.

To the OP:

All these posts referring to women "using" men -- please ignore. While that does happen, please don't let these PPs get into [i]your[/i] head and make you think you're some awful person wanting to "use" this friend. Those implying it are making vast assumptions about you, and do not care to read what you've really said in your post.

The key to me is that you say, "I've noticed how much we have in common and how genuinely kind he is."

In other words, you're already far ahead of those here who see relationships as mostly, if not entirely, rooted in hot, wild initial physical attraction.

Of course it's possible to fall in love with someone who at first wasn't especially physically attractive to you; one can become attracted to the human being--not merely the body--first, and that can develop into romantic feelings and attraction.

You'll get heaps of posts here saying, sure, sure, but eventually you won't feel attraction after X years, you'll stop having sex, dead bed, divorce, etc. That is not some inevitability, though DCUM tends to claim it is. But on this forum there is little belief in love that is about anything deeper than sex.

You're waking up to a friend and seeing how he seems increasingly compatible with your interests, maybe your values too, your choices, etc., right? And you're paying attention now to how he treats other people (since you say you notice that he's kind.). This can be how love, deeper love, begins. Spend time with him, however that works in your friendship. Get to know him even better as a person. If you realize you "love him as a friend," you'll know. You really will. If you realize you feel romantic attraction to him -- you'll find yourself wanting to look at and touch him because his looks will have become attractive to you, as the looks of the whole person you love for reasons beyond mere initial "hotness."

I know this from experience, OP. Married 30 years. On the same page re: values, interests, humor, and yes, sex. [/quote]

Abd the whole time your husband has been cheating on you with someone who finds him  physically attractive.[/quote]

It's not a problem I have but if my husband had not initially been attracted to me but grew attracted to me over time for whatever reason, I think that's fine.[/quote]

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