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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Only one person in this group gossips? I don’t believe that. The group is ending. [/quote]
I agree, because there's at least one person who gossips and one person who shares gossip with the target -- otherwise, the woman wouldn't have known about it.  So you've got a gossiper and a pot-stirrer, and that's pretty toxic.  [/quote]

I agree with this in general but would want to know the details of how the friend who was gossiped about found out. I actually think it can be equally toxic when some people in a group gossip about another member when she isn't around, but never tell her. It sounds like it won't be a problem, but IME what happens is the gossip impacts who people view the gossiped-about person and subtly alters dynamics in ways that infect relationships. I guess it depends on the gossip and how often it happens, but you don't even need a "pot stirrer" for this to get toxic. All it takes is the one friend who wants to talk badly about another behind her back, and the whole dynamic kind of sucks.

There are specific situations in which I think the kindest thing to do in the situation is to tell someone that things are being said about them that are true or flattering. But you have to know when you do it that the group is done, and be okay with it. It sounds like the problem here is that there are people who thought (1) they could talk about a "friend" behind her back without it causing issues, and (2) TELL her about it without her getting upset. That's just dumb. Everything has consequences. You don't get to do whatever hurtful thing you want and expect zero blowback -- that's psycho.[/quote]

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