Reply to Do you have an ex living rent free in your head?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The ex-OW is still living in my head.  She won’t leave.  [/quote]
Ditto… 14 years. I’ve seen her twice in 14 years. First time was brutally painful. Second time was much easier. [/quote]

And they didn’t think of us once.  Life is not fair.[/quote]

What do you know. I think about what I did to her every day. I am in constant emotional pain and tell myself it is because of and incomparable to what I did to her. I haven’t seen him since 2013 or spoken to him since 2015 and still think of him, and her, constantly. I’ve thought about sending her a note just to tell her that it really is over and if she still thinks about me she shouldn’t. But I don’t want to bother her. [/quote]

First, don’t contact her.  Second, you’ve done your time.  It’s time to stop beating yourself up and move on.  Fact is that the husband likely would’ve cheated anyway, whether it was with you or someone else.  The main culprit here is the husband, and you the accomplice have paid the price.  I think you should just chalk this up as a very big mistake that you’ve atoned for and won’t repeat again.  [/quote]

Thanks, the other problem is that I am still in love with him. I have tried so hard for so long not to be and it never goes away.[/quote]

Gurrrrl. No, just no.  You haven’t talked to this guy since 2015 and you are still pining for him?  Get over it.  He is married, and he’s a cheater.  I think you realize the error of your ways that you should not have been with a married man.  This is a chance for a do-over and to live your life like this DID NOT HAPPEN. Meaning, you never knew him, you never got together with him, you never debased yourself.  [b]This guy was never yours to tangle with in the first place. So not only do you not have the right to pine for him, pining for him serves no purpose and does not help you in any way whatsoever.  [/b]This is the first day of the rest of your life.  Go out there and live your best life, and kick that guy’s memory to the curb. He has no place in your best life.  [/quote]

Yeah.  She is still just as awful.  She feels horrible about what she did to the wife and still lusts after her husband years later.  She was part and parcel in the deceit.  It’s good she recognizes her part in the tremendous pain she played a part in, but her post doesn’t exactly scream remorse while she’s still listing after the woman’s husband and not choosing to move on years later while they have reconciled.[/quote]

I don’t think it’s jut as awful to refrain from contacting or responding to someone I deeply loved and am not over, and who reached out to me for years afterwards, who I did not allow myself to be with again for the sole reason that he is married. Wanting and doing are two different things. I choose to move on every day and yet every day I am starting from square one. It is a Sisyphean task. [/quote]

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