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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Grow up. My ex h is in his 22nd year of reserves. I was the primary parent (still am). He was not going to do anything with kids when little especially. It had hardly any impact. I have always worked full time. There are 2 kids.

You are being silly: it is not like being a surgeon on call all the time. [b]Many women do the bulk of parenting. If you expect otherwise, you should not have kids…it will be too much for you[/b]. [/quote]

This is such terrible awful advice.   I don't think OP  should try to talk her H out of being out of the reserves, but to act like men are just lazy half-assed parents like you ex across the board and women should just accept this is just wrong.[/quote]

+1 for my generation men are expected to contribute 50% and most do. This isn’t 1950s anymore. Maybe increase your expectations?[/quote]

I am early 40s. Most women my age, and my cousins 8 years younger have the same experience. Men did nothing until elementary school. I solved my problem by getting a divorce. My youngest is 7. Divorce is what made him lift a finger. My friends who expected men to actually do half the work are miserable in their marriages. Some men will do 50/50 with kids and the house, but most will not and that is reality. [/quote]

So, you would ask him to quit? It maybe should just dial it back. My mother learned earth in that everything doesn’t need to be perfect and she was much happier and has a lifelong happy marriage and helped my father raise healthy, well adjusted kids. The key to happiness in life is to be grateful fue what yiu have and not constantly wanting the next “best” thing.  [/quote]

I am the "early 40s poster"; no, I would ask him to quit. You are not getting it. OP is selfish. She should not expect that he--or any man--will do 50/50 of raising kids because most married men just won't. If she is not prepared to be a primary caretaker of kids (or any woman for that matter), she should not have kids. Her husband in the reserves is not a problem. Her unreasonable expectations are the problem.[/quote]

I would NOT ask him to quit. Correcting my typo above. She should accept this or not have kids with him or understand she will have to work around reserve schedule with kids, which is truly NOT a big deal. I did it.[/quote]

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