Reply to s/o What from your pre-kid life best prepared you for being a parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I felt very prepared for parenthood and continue to feel up to the challenge. I really disagree that "nothing" can prepare you.

I do think that expectations matter a lot. I had a tough childhood and have experienced a lot of difficulty in my life. I went into parenthood with eyes wide open, and put it off for quite a while to wait and see if it was really something I wanted to take on. So the tough parts of parenting didn't come as a surprise and didn't really throw me. I expected it to be tough. I expected to really have to rise to the occasion. I knew from my own childhood what some of the challenges could be like, and I had well-honed skills from years of dealing with both childhood trauma and big challenges in adulthood. I knew myself very well, knew my triggers, knew how to care for myself and get perspective. I knew how to ask for help, how to communicate with my partner, how to stick to my values while also adapting to new situations.

I wonder if some of the "nothing can prepare you" folks have simply been fairly lucky in life in terms of not having to deal with really tough difficulties. Or, alternatively, if some of you have unresolved trauma that how wound up having to confront for the first time as parents (parenthood has absolutely resurfaced childhood trauma for me, though again, I have a experience dealing with it). I think if you go into parenting thinking, "Well this is going to be a little hard at first but then great, and I'm sure I"ll get the hang of it quick and then things will settle down," you may be in for a very rude awakening. But if you go into anticipating it will be one of the toughest things you do in your life, and you know to draw on your deep resources for dealing with a big challenge, it might not feel like such a shock to the system.[/quote]

This. I’m a PP who mentioned reflection as a skill and you nailed it. Lots of trauma, lots of work to resolve, emotional agility, etc. [/quote]

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