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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, yes, it's horribly frustrating.  I had an elderly grandfather with increasing anxiety as he aged.  He started calorie restricting my elderly and feable grandmother in the name of being "healthy" to the extent she dropped below 80 lbs.  He wouldn't let people in the house because he didn't want their germs.  He stopped using soap or letting my grandmother use soap because he didn’t want soap scum to clean.  And on and on.  He sounded totally normal in a 20 minute conversation, but was completely nuts if you looked closely.

Two of his kids didn't want to intervene at all because it was too much work and he seemed fine on the surface.  They kept their heads in the sand.  With his anxiety he was 100% against any changes or help, so there was no talking him into anything voluntary.  No one could come in his house and he wouldnt go anywhere, so no helper could come in to monitor or support.  Even when it got bad none of the kids wanted to separate their parents who had been together 50 years, even though he was slowly starving my grandmother in the name of "health."  It was awful.

He was never mentally impaired enough to be declared incompetent, even though he continually made bizarre and dangerous decisions.  The one that hurt the most was, after starving my grandmother to death, he refused to have a church service for her as she would have wanted because he would have been expected to make a $500 donation to the church and he thought it was wasteful.  (He had several million in the bank.)[/quote]

You get it!! I’m so sorry that you do. People do NOT understand what you and I do, that there is a grey area and that’s where things fall through the cracks in horrible ways. Yes, things can look fine on the surface, but things can be VERY wrong underneath. And people turn on the ones that see it and try to scream ‘fire’ because they want to keep their heads in the sand. Thank GOD my sister’s OCD only extends to her sleeping space. She is so good to my parents. She literally saved my mother’s life regarding this heart attack. So while I get frustrated, I also recognize how good a person she is and how valuable she is. My brother came to visit with $100 in his pocket, an expired driver’s license, and no real motivation to do anything without being told. But he walked 5 miles for a pack of cigarettes.[/quote]

You are both crazy. To the PP whose grandfather was starving her grandmother, YOU should have reported him for elder abuse. You should have done something. You didn’t even have to talk to him, you just had to pick up the phone.

And OP, your sister is your parents live in caregiver. Why are you even martyring yourself to go over there before Christmas?

[/quote]

Because my mother had a heart attack and a stroke, moron. My sister works and helped care for them when they could do for themselves. Both no longer can. Which is why I tried to get them back with more family BEFORE this happened. My sister should not shoulder the entire burden. Are you really THAT selfish that you would put it ALL on a sibling? Probably so[/quote]

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