Reply to Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?

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Reply to "Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You want what you want. Good for you for sticking to it. I don't think that 4 months is a long time, but it really depends on what has been happening for that four months. I would be interested in what a committed relationship means to him and what about it he feels unready for. I would do a lot of listening. The point is for you to get information to process, not convince him or explain yourself. [/quote]

OP: Yes that makes sense. I'll go into it listening with an open mind. For the past 4 months we've been going out 2-3x/week. We spend the night at each other's places. He's met my friends.[/quote]

That sounds like a relationship to me ;) What are you asking him for that he is not into? As someone who divorced in my 40s there are so many possibilities
-he is being responsible about moving slow
-he's not that into you
-he is into you but also wants to see other people
-you are overly focused on BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP
-you know what you want and he is showing that he can't give you want you want[/quote]

OP: he hasn't introduced me to his friends. He never texts, only calls me (and I've asked him to). He never plans anything in the future- only a few nights out.[/quote]

I don't really understand the issue, exactly.  You were exclusive, saw each other several times a week.  Some people don't like texting--I'd be more concerned if he only texted and refused to call.  Ask him why he doesn't like to text--did you?

How far into the future are you trying to plan, or do you expect him to?  Have you tried to plan things like a ski weekend over President's Day and he won't, or are you expecting him to do it spontaneously?  Have you asked to meet his friends, or organized a HH or anything?  None of these things seem like a good reason to break up without at least addressing them first.[/quote]

OP: Sorry, that was a typo! He ONLY texts me, never calls. I have to say, "call me tonight" for him to do it. He has never called on his own, which makes me feel like he doesn't care. Also, the texts skew toward sexual pretty often, which is fine (we are both into sex) but I am trying to determine if he is able to go deeper emotionally.[/quote]

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