Reply to Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?

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Reply to "Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You want what you want. Good for you for sticking to it. I don't think that 4 months is a long time, but it really depends on what has been happening for that four months. I would be interested in what a committed relationship means to him and what about it he feels unready for. I would do a lot of listening. The point is for you to get information to process, not convince him or explain yourself. [/quote]

OP: Yes that makes sense. I'll go into it listening with an open mind. For the past 4 months we've been going out 2-3x/week. We spend the night at each other's places. He's met my friends.[/quote]

That sounds like a relationship to me ;) What are you asking him for that he is not into? As someone who divorced in my 40s there are so many possibilities
-he is being responsible about moving slow
-he's not that into you
-he is into you but also wants to see other people
-you are overly focused on BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP
-you know what you want and he is showing that he can't give you want you want[/quote]

OP: he hasn't introduced me to his friends. He never texts, only calls me (and I've asked him to). He never plans anything in the future- only a few nights out.[/quote]

I don't really understand the issue, exactly.  You were exclusive, saw each other several times a week.  Some people don't like texting--I'd be more concerned if he only texted and refused to call.  Ask him why he doesn't like to text--did you?

How far into the future are you trying to plan, or do you expect him to?  Have you tried to plan things like a ski weekend over President's Day and he won't, or are you expecting him to do it spontaneously?  Have you asked to meet his friends, or organized a HH or anything?  None of these things seem like a good reason to break up without at least addressing them first.[/quote]

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