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[quote=Anonymous]Priority One: PROTECT YOURSELF. You will need to be there for the kids, but you can't do that if you get destroyed in the divorce financially and emotionally.

Don't worry that she is the kids mother because she will NOT care that you are their father. It is NOT your job to protect her from the consequences of her choices any more. Therefore do NOT give concessions to her and do not give her the benefit of the doubt.

Expect her to tell the kids in various subtle and not-so-subtle ways that its your fault. Expect the kids to withdraw from you. Expect everyone to judge you and ask "what did you do?" Expect her to play the victim card. Get as much custody as you can. Expect to feel very sad and unhappy. Expect suicidal thoughts and get help if you need. Suicide is a very real issue for men after divorce. Expect her to move on quickly (much more quickly than you will). Men often lose their identity when their wives divorce them because they associate themselves so closely with being a husband and father. Take that away and many men feel lost.

Bottom line, if you are a typical man, yes this blindsided you because you were probably working and doing all the stuff you thought you should be doing and you thought that would be reciprocated with loyalty but it wasn't you will feel betrayed and you will question why me - what did I do - but understand it wasn't you.

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