Reply to Would you marry someone whose parents are divorced?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Would you marry someone whose parents are divorced?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It would depend on the circumstances. [b] Signing up for divorced in laws means an exponentially more complicated in-law relationship, more drama over holidays, potential acrimony at weddings and other events. Eldercare becomes more complicated with step-parents. Inheritances are messier. [/b]

[b]If the divorced parents were amicable and self aware, if they understood their choice to divorce meant 1/3 vs 1/2 on holidays/grandchildren events, then I would not make it a dealbreaker,[/b] but I would not marry someone whose parents were messily divorced.

Not that it is likely to matter as my parents and in laws are still married, but it is how I would advise my children. [/quote]

What is in bold is a complete stereotype from divorce 20-30 years ago. None of this is true in my situation.[/quote]

I don’t think it’s a stereotype (I’m the poster you quoted) I’m an older millennial and the friends I have who are married with divorced parents are going through hell.  One was written out of her fathers will in favor of the new baby, but her half brother won’t lift a finger to help her now nearly-senile father find a memory care assisted living. Another gets a drunken tirade every Christmas that she doesn’t spend with her mother and spends with her father because “she’s the baby’s real grandma”. Others spend all day on every holiday driving to three or four households to keep the peace.

One family (amicable and self aware!) tolerates their ex spouse on holidays when it’s their turn.  Their assets are in trust for their original kids. A family like that would not raise red flags for me. [/quote]

It is a stereotype. You cited an example of crazy people who would act crazy even if they were married. [/quote]

No, I cited examples of my peers who have difficulties dealing with the reality of their divorced parents. Unless you think her dad would have written her out of his will if he hadn’t divorced remarried and had another child which is possible but statistically unlikely.[/quote]

Again, you are citing stereotypes from 20 years ago. That is a child with divorced parents 20 or so years ago. I am a young Gen X. No other person is getting our kids money. We are divorced. You are still citing an old divorce stereotype. I know a few former couples with young kids who are divorced. None will have the crazy situation you describe. All have finances secured for kids through wills or trusts. People are amicable for the most part and protect their kids. They can't be married. The parents live in different places. That is all. [/quote]

Well then I am hopeful for a cultural shift towards amicable divorce that protects the children’s finances and makes arrangements for eldercare. As I said in my original post, a situation like that is not one I’d advise my child against, but I would advise against getting involved with messily divorced in laws. It seems like that remains good advice.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics