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General Parenting Discussion
Reply to "If your 3rd child was an oops baby."
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.[/quote] NP but I feel like adoption would be really hard to explain to her older kids?[/quote] Just explain that they couldn't keep the baby because it was too expensive but the baby went to a loving, caring family. Maybe keep the adoption semi-open so the kids can kind of know their sibling. Or don't tell until they're older, from what I've read they seem kind of young.[/quote] Right, easy-peasy! [/quote] I'm not saying adoption is easy (I've adopted a child, I know how hard adoption is), I'm saying it's an [b]option[/b]. [/quote] It's actually a terrible option for the children in a case like this (loving home, stable finances, older sibs). Please imagine, if you will, telling your 5-year-old you gave away her baby sibling. Imagine the reaction of your extended family and friends. Now imagine the baby is an adult and comes looking for his birth family and wants to know why he was put up for adoption. "Meh, I could have taken care of you, we had a comfortable, happy life. But I just didn't feel like having another child, so I gave you away to strangers." (I don't mean to disparage OP; not wanting another child is a perfectly valid reason not to have one. I'm just pointing out what a ridiculously unworkable option adoption is in these circumstances.) Every time a thread like this comes up, with circumstances like these, someone suggests adoption. Seriously, WTF is wrong with you people.[/quote] If I was in a situation where I had to place my child for adoption, I wouldn't tell the remaining child until they were older. Adoptees wanting to look for their birth parents is much less common than the media says it is. Most adoptees are perfectly content with their adoptive families. If this did happen in real life, I'd be honest with the child and say I didn't want an abortion or a 2nd/3rd/4th child so I decided to place them for adoption. I think that pro-choice people need to understand that being pro-choice also means being pro the choice to give birth. Neither adoption nor abortion is an ideal situation but some people find placing a child for adoption is easier than aborting it and vice versa. I personally don't think I could handle aborting my child from an emotional perspective. As for what my family would think if I placed a child for adoption, I think my family would be understanding. I could see some of my more religious, more opinionated friends trying to convince me to keep the child or attempt to break off contact but I know that my best friend would be supportive, and even if she wasn't, I don't care what other people think. Also, we need to go away with the assumption that the majority of people placing their children for domestic adoption are teenagers. The majority of women placing their children for adoption are middle-aged and/or have other children, some in foster care, some being parented, and some placed for adoption.[/quote]
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