Reply to How to address family with different last names on holiday card?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get that a lot of women who hyphenate or kept their name when they married are like “it’s fine, I don’t care.” This is a fine attitude.

But also: some women who kept their names are very bothered by being misnamed, and that’s okay too. It’s their name. It’s reasonable to expect loved ones to know what your name is.

I mean, if my name is Alice but friends and family consistently addressed me as Laura in correspondence, it would bother me. If I took my DH’s name when married, then divorced and changed back to my original name, I’d expect people close to me to call me by the name I’d chosen once I’d let them know. If I was trans and changed my name as part of my transition, I’d expect people to use my chosen name and pronouns. None of this is unreasonable. If you are u sure what someone’s name is, ask (politely).

It’s nice to be forgiving and easy going about this, but also consider that it’s polite to call people by their actual names and not whatever name you’ve decided they should have.[/quote]

There is a virtue in being relaxed. I'm sure it's annoying, but it is also other people too. We can't control what other people do just for us nor can we expect to get everything we want, all the time.

I have a first name I never use as it's a rare and ancient Biblical name that is a longstanding family tradition. I have always gone by the middle name from the day I was born. I also have a last name that is often difficult to spell. As you can imagine I get letters and correspondence that misspell / misuse my "real" name all the time. It's not worth getting being bothered by it. [/quote]

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