Reply to APS - elementary boys out of control?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Actually parenting and disciplining your children is amazing.

More people should try it.[/quote]

YES[/quote]

My kid is homeschooled right now so this whole thing isn’t an issue with me. But in defense of parents, this is unlikely to be all their fault. Unless they have massively changed since the pandemic, the parenting that was working before is now not preventing this behavior. The pandemic is the only variable we have so I think this is yet another impact of covid that we have to navigate. Parents need to figure that out but remember that it is harder than before because parents too are in the middle of a mental health crisis. And then a lot of it is kids just doing what their peers do so it’s possible that no amount of good parenting is going to stop a kid from acting this way if all the other kids keep doing it. [/quote]

There are also tons of behaviors that only show up in the classroom.  It's really hard to parent-away issues when you aren't present and they don't come up in other settings.

--parent of a 5 yo who (pre-pandemic) got in trouble several times daily for all of kindergarten for pushing with another kid over being near the front of the line and no amount of talking about it at home or consequences made any impact.  Some behaviors really have to be dealt with in the moment by the present adult.[/quote]

The best thing a parent can do it teach (and MODEL) respect for authority figures.  So many of the problems we see are a result of kids not respecting adults.  While a kid may not push someone at home, if they are told not to do it at school and are ignoring the staff, it's not just environment.  The student needs to learn respectful behaviors at home.  [/quote]

I mean, do you think PP is letting her kid swear at her or something? The fact is that a parent can be perfect but have a kid who still does dumb things at school. You can’t just shift the blame like this, and really it might be nobody’s fault. Sometimes kids are just defiant in spite of everybody’s best efforts. No need to point fingers. We all just need to do our best and [b]show the kids love[/b]. [/quote]

You can love the kid and still show them that actions have consequences. Those consequences have to be appropriately tailored, but making excuses for a kid who is disruptive to their own and others' learning isn't showing them love. It's teaching them to be blind to their own faults, which will only cause them more pain in the long run.

Parenting matters, but schools can't just throw up their hands and say "well the parents aren't helping at home, so I guess we can't do anything about it." If the behavior continues, they need to do something different.

If it turns out that home stuff like abuse and neglect is underpinning it, the schools need to connect the kid to the right social services, but they still need to make clear that inappropriate behavior is still inappropriate behavior. Just imagine the kind of message a kid gets when they hear "well your home life is tough so I guess we won't hold you to the same standards as everyone else". Furthermore, if they are hurting other kids or disrupting their learning, the fact that the kid is coming from a tough environment doesn't change those harms. That's the difference between understanding and permissiveness. If the only message they get is permissiveness, you're setting that kid up to fail.

It's not always easy to say to a kid "I have these expectations of you [i]because[/i] I love/understand/appreciate you, and because I think you can meet them." But that's what the job calls for. [/quote]

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