Reply to What is a "normal" amount of drinking for a mid-30's/early 40's parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think what you're noticing OP, and what doesn't feel right to you (and shouldn't) is [b]people with alcohol dependency issues creating groups and situations that allow them to hid their alcoholism by normalizing it.[/b] It's classic denial - they don't have problem because "everyone else" is doing it too!

I see this as an older, divorced parent as I join various meetups and other groups to expand my social circle. There are some groups that I started hanging out with and then I realized that all of the regulars were heavy drinkers who used the get togethers as excuses to get wasted. For me, its not much fun, and not very comfortable, watching that. I guess I'm old enough to picture what's probably happening when these people are not out with the group.

Note I'm no teetotaler - I love trying new wine, making new cocktails, checking out new breweries, etc. I would drink daily if I thought I could get away with it, but with my family health history I try to limit it to a few drinks a week. Plus, I don't want to become dependent - I have a few cousins who are, so I try to be careful.

So it's not really an issue of any one get together being inappropriate, I think its the classic features of alcoholism, such as the denial, and likely some codependency, that are making you feel weird. [/quote]

I think the bolded goes too far, both in characterizing many of the drinkers OP describes as being dependent on alcohol and also in their intentionality in organizing these situations.  It sounds like most people the OP describes drink more heavily than is healthy, and that's absolutely normalized in our culture, more than it should be.  Probably some of them do have alcohol use disorder.  But I think it's more likely a mix of heavy drinkers who like to drink (and, hence, do it at any opportunity) and the aspect of parenting culture that emphasizes alcohol as a way to cope with stress.  [/quote]

I agree that I don't think that people are creating this social situation to conceal their alcohol abuse.  Frankly, I think it's sometimes the other way around -- people develop a problem with alcohol because the culture encourages drinking, and if you're susceptible, you can easily get sucked in.  And you lose your reference points -- if everyone you hang out with is routinely drinking multiple drinks at every event, you see that as normal, and you might miss signals that you're drinking too much.  A friend had this issue -- the "wine mommy" culture in her neighborhood was pretty pronounced, so it was just "cute" and "fun" to drink all the time and treat it as a normal way to cope with parenting.  It basically normalized day drinking.  And it took her a while to realize that she had developed a dependency, and then it was hard to quit and work through recovery because drinking was just ubiquitous, even at kids' events.

People act like it's insane to think that others are drinking too much, or that you must be a teetotaler to object to UMC alcohol consumption.  But it does promote regular, and often heavy drinking, and centering social events around alcohol, and it does create problems for people.  [/quote]

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