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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b][quote=Anonymous]Some of you are missing OPs point, it’s not that the parent reached out, it’s that the parent reached [/b]out after Op already said no.[b] This is what she finds off-putting. If my child told me her friend couldn’t go, I would never reach out to the parent looking for a yes.  [/quote]

I think the question is who she said no to.  Miscommunication, either intentional or unintentional, happens at that age.  If she told her child no, a very different message could have gotten to the other mom.  As another PP suggested, OP's daughter could have been very vague in conveying that no, and the other mom was reaching out to confirm plans.  This has happened to me.[/quote]

Thanks for all the replies.  OP here.

You’re right, it could be a communication issue here.  But, knowing my DD’s friend, I have no doubt things went like this…

DD: sorry, I can’t go, I’m really bummed and wanted to
DD friend (who is generally a pushy kid): oh no, do you think if my mom wrote to her it would be ok?
DD friend mom (a day later): sends text

So while it’s entirely possible that the other mom was trying to make plans and did not hear about the “no”, I’m 99% sure she already knew ahead of
Time that the answer was no.  She wasn’t pushy about it but I was still irked.

And yes, there are some moms out there who say yes to everything especially if the kids are pushy - there is a lot of this going around.[/quote

OP, do you forbid all indoor activities?  If so, has your DD conveyed that to her friends in definite terms so that they won't invite her to those any longer? It's not the greatest feeling in the world to regularly invite someone to do something and then get a "no." What if she set the boundaries ahead of time?  Also, does your DD have friends over to engage in outdoor activities?  If so, having her continue to invite friends for activities that you allow will reinforce that she wishes to maintain the friendships even though she can't participate in some activities.

You have defined what you think is acceptable risk for your family and are sticking to it. For friends who have a different definition, they might want to expand their social circle to include friends who can participate in some of the activities they deem important but which are outside of your comfort zone. I hope your DD can continue to maintain her relationships with understanding from her friends about what your boundaries are. [/quote]

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