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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here responding to last two posters. I’ve known her for 15 years. One-on-one, she’s a bit of a curmudgeon but not rude. We do talk on the phone once every two-three weeks or so with pleasantries. Sometimes she initiates the call and sometimes I do. Never had a fight. It’s not like we have an antagonistic relationship.

I’ve been around quiet people all of the time. But the I-would rather-be-here-than-anywhere face gets old when it appears over and over. A couple of times she has even mentioned with a sigh how “stressful” her weekend will be because of a dinner me and DH are hosting EACH TIME, I’ve taking the cue and given her an out, stressed that we won’t be offended if she sits this one out. Each time, she comes and can’t muster a single smile or provide any sign that she wants to be there. (FYI-it’s the same attitude when we get invited to their place. Then it’s the I-am-so-tired-and-can’t-wait-to-see-you-leave face. Even my DH who can be quite dense when it comes to these things noticed it.)

We just suck it up but wondering if there is another alternative besides explicitly telling her not to come (which sounds rude to me since she is married to BIL) or not inviting either of them. I’m thinking telling her how she comes across night not be my place (though we’re friendly, we’re not BFFS.)
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In this case don't invite them so often, OP (but treat them as a couple, and don't invite one without the other).[b] But I really do think she's getting something out of your invites, even if she expresses herself badly and is always negative. She has to like you if you talk on the phone every 3 weeks!!! I have never talked to my SILs on the phone, ever, in nearly 20 years of marriage. I actually haven't seen either of them in 5 years. My BILs come over by themselves when we visit MIL. And we're not antagonistic either - the SILs just have no interest in meeting us. This is what real not-caring looks like! [/b]

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Agree completely with this. SIL must like you OP. She could have a terrible RBF coupled with anxiety over hosting and participating in larger social settings. Ignore the face. Listen to her words. If she says she wants to come, accept that and don't get yourself all twisted up because her face looks sad to you. [/quote]

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