Reply to How do you let go of old friends that you just don't feel comfortable being around anymore?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The pandemic made this so much easier! We have not socialized much at all for so long I have almost forgotten how to.[/quote]

+1 I used it as an opportunity to grow the distance with a number of folks.[/quote]

+2 it’s allowed me to let go of friends who I generally like but don’t necessarily want or need to be close to. [/quote]

Okay, understood. But did you tell them that this is what you were doing? Do they know your reasons for doing this? I think you owe them an explanation. People aren't mind readers.[/quote]

DP, life is short and time is limited. I have other friends I’d rather spend my time with.

Do you really think people actually want to hear this?[/quote]

No, people may not WANT to hear this but I still think you owe them an explanation. Why can't you have a grown-up conversation with the people you clearly want out of your life and explain to them why you feel things aren't working for you anymore? Or do you prefer to leave them guessing?

I don't know how old you are but I'm not that young anymore and I have put up with other people's crap too many times in the past. So, if someone feels we no longer can be friends or even friendly acquaintances, then fine, but I want to know why and I would want them to tell me directly, not by ghosting or slow fading me. I'm too old for these stupid, childish games.[/quote]

I’m nearly 50, and there isn’t a nice way to say this - but you sound like an emotional drain. In my experience, adults understand that friendships grow closer, grow looser, grow tighter, fade away completely and everything in between. You don’t have to actually explain that in your limited time, you are picking other people to see more frequently.  For many, slow fade = friendly acquaintance. But for someone like you, it doesn’t sound like that’s not good enough for you. If someone committed a friendship violation, go ahead and tell them, but for growing apart? Gentle distancing over time is actually the adult response. [/quote]

I'm not much older than you.
All I can say is that it hurts. It hurts to be ghosted. It hurts when someone only interacts with me when they want something from me. It hurts when I don't get included in stuff that mutual friends get invited to.

You say that I sound like an emotional drain. I want to have a good, strong circle of friends and a great social life. One doesn't achieve this by staying in the background like a wallflower. I like being proactive with friends. I also think being friends also means being honest with each other.

My oldest friend is 54, we've known each other since kindergarten. She lives 6 hours away so we don't see each other all the time. She is direct and I value that. If I ask her for her opinion on something - anything - she will say exactly what she thinks, even if it's not what I would like to hear. But we've known each other too long to let our friendship fall apart. She would never ghost me and I would never do that to her either.[/quote]

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