Reply to How do you let go of old friends that you just don't feel comfortable being around anymore?

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[quote=Anonymous]I personally don't mind a slow fade and think it's probably the the kindest result if the problem is simply growing apart and there's not specific, precipitating event.

However, I once had a friend who was, in retrospect, trying to slow fade me. But when we saw each other , she would almost compulsively tell me how much she missed me, that she was so sorry for being out of touch for a while, and suggest all kinds of ideas for our next get together. It was really confusing! Especially because I was already pretty close to accepting a slow fade (there was this difference of opinion over social circle that I think we'd realized by then would never be resolved and always be a problem in our relationship). But her comments kept making me think "oh, this person really values me, I need to work harder to retain this friendship." And then she'd once again start avoiding me, taking a long time to reply to texts/emails, or cancelling and rescheduling plans multiple times. In the end we parted with a lot more bad feelings than we should have, because I wound up feeling very jerked around by her behavior the last year of our friendship.

So just be clear in your own head as to what you want. Don't initiate a slow fade and then, when you realize what it actually means to lose this person, suddenly invite her on a girls weekend, then remember what the problem was and stop returning her texts. That kind fo Jekyll and Hyde is much, much worse than ghosting someone, IMO. It causes a lot more self doubt and feelings of rejection.[/quote]

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