Reply to Could you forgive a one time misstep by your husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I disagree with the PPs who are sure there is more.  I think him telling you , voluntarily, deleting her number, etc. is all good. He should engage in counseling to get to why he did this and work on firmer boundaries.  His actions need to match his words, though so far it seems that they are lining up.  I think he needs to send one “no contact” message to the OW and you need to see it - “I have told my wife what happened between us.  It was a huge mistake and terrible decision on my part, and I will always regret it.  I love my wife and family.  There can be no contact ever between us again.  Do not contact me ever.”  I also think he needs to tell his friends that he will never hang out with them again if she is there, especially if they know what happened that night.  If the OW is married, you should tell her spouse.  He deserves to know, and it keeps two sets of eyes on the situation.[/quote]

He also conveniently deleted all of the evidence of the affair. OP, I agree with the person suggesting you get a post nuptial agreement of you don't make moves to leave. If you don't divorce when there is an affair, in court it means that you consented to the situation. You have less leverage and you need to wait the standard 2+ years to divorce. [/quote]

LOL—And here’s why you don’t take legal advice from the internet because PP is spouting utter nonsense.

Sorry, OP. I feel your pain.  I also thought my husband was a great guy. And he is, but he did a similar thing that did not feel terrible enough to upend my kids’ lives, but really made me look at him in a completely different way, which was just sad. I used to go honk no way could he ever cheat but now I know that in the right circumstances it would be possible. Which may be true of most people, but just wasn’t how I thought of him. I forgave him (like you, I believed his story, it wasn’t actual sex, and i believed that he was sincerely contrite), but it’s not the same as it was; not sure if it ever will be.

I also think the post nup idea is silly. I’m not sure it’s enforceable in court, plus Would you even want the father of your kids to be destitute after a divorce? Most importantly, I wouldn’t want to be married if the thing keeping my spouse faithful is fear of monetary loss. Good luck, OP.[/quote]

I'm in VA and these details are true. Post nuptial agreements are enforceable as long as it doesn't touch areas that laws exist on (e.g. agreeing to less child support than what is required by law).

https://www.cgglawyers.com/adultery-impact-divorce-virginia/[/quote]

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