Reply to I don't want to spend holidays with my in-laws

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[quote=Anonymous]How the relationship unfolds with your extended family is entirely up to you.  Most of my relatives are pretty set in their way and they want to do things the way it suits them.  My go to has been to attend with my kids and spouse, and once I am there, I roll my sleeves up and help them as much as I can. My kids love being with the family and meeting cousins etc., I don't get interrogated because I am "helping" and busy, and after some pictures with the family (my DH does that, he herds everyone together and takes lots of pictures), we are out of there.  Boom! Done!

I know that we are the beloved cousins who make an appearance for every party.  We are the favorite aunt and uncle who will contribute something to the party (photos, serving food). But, we do not stay there for a long time because then it gets ugly.  People will start telling us their tales of woe, people will start criticizing each other, people will start comparing.  So relatives are best taken in small doses, and you always have to be busy so that they don't have time to unload. Yes, it is not very restful for us. There are very few relatives whose house we go to and can enjoy a glass of wine and peaceful time. But, since we get together only during festivals and holidays, it is not really that bad.

My kids are also catching on. They go to parties and get other kids together and play games with them. My teen DD carries stickers, balloons,  tattoos and paper and crayons in her backpack and keeps all the kids entertained.  Then after 3-4 hours at the relatives home, she is out of there to be with her friends.

I think, if you figure out what they want from you (help, presence, babysitting, serving, warming food, walking the dog), you can do that for a few hours, and then you leave and go on and do your own thing.

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