Reply to A poll: Blackmail or tell spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous]Nothing. Blackmail is morally wrong, not to mention illegal. Why borrow someone else's bad karma? And as for telling the person, I still say no. If my spouse were cheating, I think that's something to work out between him and me and nobody else. I really trust him and just don't even think about someone ever telling me he's cheating because I would not believe them. And the people who WOULD believe a friend about this, probably already have suspicions of their own. (I think it's pretty hard for someone to cheat for a long time without the other person even having slight suspicions / doubts). But some (many!) people do not want to have their suspicions confirmed, for whatever reason. And if you say you know, then they may be forced to confront something they're not ready to confront and it may not be the way that situation should unfold.

And if they know and are working it out, and you let wife / husband know that you know, you've injected yet another person (you) into the situation that will make it harder to heal. You can't unsay what you said, so years later, when they are still married, they will always lump you in with their feelings about the cheating. I don't think it's a good idea. What if the wife knows and is only trying to get through her kids' childhood (and doesn't want to divorce her spouse and lose partial custody of her kids?) and you say something? Then you've outed her. You won't be her friend anymore, but she'll be hurt by it. And what if it forces the issue and she then does get divorced and loses partial custody of her kids?

There are literally THOUSANDS of serious scenarios that could be going on, and you have no idea about any of them. So why would you even want to mess with that?

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