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[quote=Anonymous]Hey OP if you ask 'how are you' and she says, 'good' and doesn't follow up with asking anything about you, then its not your problem. To be honest I would probably say 'good chat' and then move on to join your DH and BIL in whatever they are discussing.

I would enjoy the glass of wine you are drinking and not focus on SIL.  You can't engage if she doesn't let you engage.  Being cordial is allowing a conversation room to breathe but if the other person cuts you off with one word answers, you are not rude for moving on.

It's not about being aloof, you don't need to be rude.  You try to have a conversation but you also understand that you can't do that alone.  Perhaps try not asking any questions about her personally.  That is the only other thing I could suggest.  Try just saying something about a new series you are watching on Netflix and how you enjoy it or thought it was weird.  Try small talk that isn't personal to you or her but just random.  If that doesn't work, try saying 'oh this wine is nice, I tried xyz the other day and liked it'.  If that doesn't work then so be it, leave her alone.

If she speaks to you, then talk, if she gives you one word answers move on.  If there is a group discussion, join in with everyone.  Don't give her bratty behaviour attention.

It sounds like those earlier years where you showed your frustration with her has had a lasting impact on your relationship.  Accept that and move on.[/quote]

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