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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Women Late 30s single and looking for marriage and family"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am thinking of the book "The Red Tent" a reimagining of the biblical Jacob, Leah, Rachel. The tribal women have community with each other and take care of each other and all the kids, many of the women being married to the same guys. I have often thought there ought to be two of me (i am DW). This arrangement does not actually appeal to me though. [b]I would not want the sexual jealousy. And what if the sister wife was gross/annoying/ did not agree with me about child raising? I think this communal idea comes up against our individualistic priorities.[/b] [/quote] NP. Agree with you because of the bold. People who think throuple -- especially throuples with and for the purpose of having children -- sound so ideal are burying their heads in the sand re: the realities for most humans. Sexual jealousy will eventually come up in at least some capacity, one person will feel his or her child isn't getting enough attention compared to someone else's child, there will be (as you note) conflicts about how to raise children, or what resources to spend on which child, or whether two of the three adults should contribute toward (just for instance) the third adult going back to school "because it's good for all of us!" etc. etc. Then there is the possibility of "I've fallen so in love that I can't share you with Other any more and you have to choose," or worse--game-playing to be the alpha woman or alpha man. And what happens if one of the three gets a career move to another place? Isn't it likely that the throuple then breaks up, if the other two adults are established in jobs where they all are living? What then about a child of the departing adult and one of the remaining ones--is it treated like a divorce? Too many ways to go wrong, and too many things to have to consider for choices which, in a couple, are still tough but simpler to make with only two people and those two people's shared children in the mix. [/quote]
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