Reply to How do you deal with a spouse who doesn't stand up to his family?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How do you deal with a spouse who doesn't stand up to his family?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd have sussed it out before marriage and not married him. I'm super confrontational and won't stand for someone who won't back me up. [/quote]

This is OP again.
It wasn't apparent when we were dating or after we got engaged. I actually had and still have a good relationship with his mother. His dad (deceased) and I got on like a house on fire. His mom is a real lady, very old school, but she is elderly and she now lets her children rule the family. The people I was referring to are my husband's siblings and their spouses.

My husband is a decent, kind and hard working man, but where his siblings and their families are concerned he finds it easier to just go with the flow or give in and keep the peace. 
By contrast, in his job he leads a team and he is known to be consistent, decisive and strict, but fair. He doesn't shy away from confrontation with his co-workers or his bosses at all. He is also a good speaker and he can address an audience. He is not timid.

My family of origin is different from his. A lot of my family members are quite vocal and direct (confrontational but not rude), as opposed to the passive aggressive treatment we sometimes get from my husband's family. It's a subtle form of passive aggressive behaviour and it's only noticeable to someone who is part of the family, if this makes any sense. To the outside world they're all charming, entertaining and well spoken.

As an example, one of his sisters' attitude changed once she got married and had the first grandchild in the family. She went from a normal, friendly sister in law to a super competitive woman who always wants to be queen bee. Her husband is not much better and they have form for not including us in certain family events.

I don't know how my husband puts up with them. I know he can be assertive and confrontational when he wants to. [/quote]
Seems to me you are addicted to drama and creating it when there is none.
Your example of your SIL shows that she is very considerate and did not want to possibly upset you or cause hurt feelings. You too that as she has an attitude of holier than though?? 
In fact, my SIL and my close cousin, got pregnant just a bit after me, so we were pregnant at the same time, I was two months ahead of them. Both of them said something similar to me, hey, I hope you don't mind me being pregnant...bit in a way, they were on their second and  enjoyed the spot light of their first pregnancy, and I was pregnant with my first child, and didn't want to "steal" the spotlight...
LOL. I never even once thought of any of these things, but thinking about them thinking about my feelings, regardless of me not having any such feelings, made me feel special!
Nor did I think, wow, they think I am needy or something. I am not, they know I am not. But, they are very much into emotional well being themselves and thought of me.
Never once did I think they had holier than though attitude.
Why are you so insecure op?[/quote]

OMG asking someone when you are both pregnant if you are ok with it is completely different to being pregnant and then asking someone if they are suffering from infertility and if they have issues with you being pregnant.

How can you not see that?  That's not being insecure and having empathy is understanding that people will bring that subject up with you if they want to, empathy is not forcing that conversation on someone, especially someone you are not that close with.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics