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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree that OPs son is on his way to beings quite a ride individual, especially to people trying to help him. 
Refusing to acknowledge his aSD or even read up in aspergers is a major impediment to his future quality of life at work or with any personal relationships. Refusing help, suggestions and advice is the next nail in the coffin.

If he won’t get help relative soon he will be a failure to launch case, and OP will have to live him but detach from any expectations. He will find his people once not enabled. [/quote]

What are you suggesting, PP?

"Not enabled"? What does that mean?

Kick him out on the street? Stop doing what? I'm doing nothing for him, but offering support and gentle urging, but he won't listen to anything I say. I feed and house him, but that's it. No other support, aside from emotional support, but he doesn't want emotional support from DH or me.

He has HFASD! He doesn't know he's disabled because he's so exceptionally smart in his area of expertise. I've tried, gently, to explain this to him. I've offered to pay for a counselor to speak with him. I'll now, thanks to suggestions here, offer to pay for an interview coach in case he'll listen to a coach.

[/quote]

How does he “ it know he has HFA?”

If he has the symptoms and /or diagnosis and have been told them, he knows.  Now if he is refusing to accept that his symptoms are neuroatypical or his whole diagnosis or neuropsych that is different than “not knowing.”

You are doing alright Op. try third parties to get through to him.  I’m sorry he dropped out of his Phd program on a lark or whatever (he’s not telling you). I wouldn’t run around doing anything else for him, especially if you have other adult children, work and friends.  Don’t lose YOUR sense of self with this. [/quote]

Thanks for saying this. Yes, I'm really upset over his fall from what I thought was a promising perch. I'd really thought his problems were over when he got into the prestigious PhD program. I'd thought he'd meet people like him, and would find his tribe. That didn't happen at all, which may explain why he left. I think he felt lonely, but I'm not sure because he's never told me. The pandemic was very isolating, and he's already isolated because of his HFA. He is totally in denial about his HFA, btw. He said to me that he'd outgrown it, and that he doesn't think he ever had it. I have the diagnosis to prove it, but he isn't interested in my "proof."

I love him and don't want to abandon him, but I'm at a loss as to how to help him when he won't accept help and won't admit he has any deficits. [/quote]

Op, I’m playing devils advocate here, but do you think you’re undermining him by ‘showing him your proof’? You’re essentially putting him in a box and telling him that his individuality doesn’t matter. Conforming is the only way to show that he isn’t ASD.

Give him a bit of space and let him find his way. I know you are worried, and you don’t want him to go through a downward spiral, but you need to accept him for who he is and make him understand that you accept him. Being very high functioning ASD is a borderline. Very smart people are often confused with ASD. Read on misdiagnosis of the gifted.

Pray a lot.  [/quote]

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