Reply to How do I gently pull away from a friend who keeps hurting me?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How do I gently pull away from a friend who keeps hurting me? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Answers:

I’m the one close to my friend’s children.  My own child is in college.

I would like to be considered second or third in her life - I know I’m not family but I have done a lot for her and for her children (babysat for free for four years, took off work when she couldn’t to take older child to practice once a week or he couldn’t play ball on weekend, drive 1.5 hours to see them each way to see them since they moved last year).

I’d like to be more important to her now that I’m not babysitting or of use to her.  I know she cares about me but I just seem a priority anymore.  And it hurts. [/quote]

These are generalities. That's a good start, but it doesn't help for the details of planning.

What does "second or third in her life" mean? Talking 2-3 times a week? Texting good morning daily, but not talking on the phone? Getting together a couple of weekends a month? How much interaction, and on what media, would be a good relationship for you?

What does "more important" look like? Her asking you how your day is going at least as often as you ask about her? Her volunteering to help you in person with things, or is the phone enough?[/quote]

Two examples of how I’d like to be more important:

When I drive up there (after being invited) to spend time with the kids, I don’t want to be asked to leave early because her parents are coming over (her parents live two minutes away).

I was hurt by not being invited to my Godchild’s friends birthday party.  My Godchild wanted me there and I’ve always gone to her parties in the past (she’s 8).

And to the very insightful PP, I’m not in therapy but my underlying fear is that I’m only worth consideration when I’m of use or that I’m somehow embarrassing.  Those are my issues. [/quote]

You have very valid reasons regardless of what some rude posters have said. Asking you to leave because her parents came over? That's absurd but also very telling. I had a similar situation and while I was a much better friend she would toss me over for someone that lived out of state. I finally realized our relationship was only based on her needs. I think you should start doing things other things and make some new friends. She sounds like somewhat of a user which is not uncommon.[/quote]

+1. I agree completely.  But it’s very hard when you love the users child.  OP’s Goddaughter did nothing wrong.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics