Reply to If your Son-in-law confided in you about marriage troubles, would you talk to your daughter?

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Reply to "If your Son-in-law confided in you about marriage troubles, would you talk to your daughter?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am of West African origin(born and raised there), and this question made me smile.

Many of us do this when the going gets tough. A significant number of the marriages in my family would have failed without this practice.
If you and your spouse have issues, and you feel like you have tried your best to resolve it with them. you take the problem to your spouse's parents(or older siblings).

It actually works but not in the way that one would think. While the problems are not usually resolved after the parents have spoken to their adult child, this puts the adult child on notice that the issue has been escalated. That is sometimes enough notice to get someone to think about how serious the issue is. Secondly, the parents get a general feel from their child about whether they want the marriage to work but are just finding a really hard time addressing the issue. The parents usually do a great job convincing the other spouse that the parents' child is committed to the marriage but just struggling. The parents find ways to support their child's spouse(or make their child's spouse feel heard and understood) while their adult child is figuring out how to resolve the issue.

I once complained to my DH's sister(both of European ancestry, born and raised in US) about my DH. My DH was so embarrassed that he resolved the issue almost immediately. lol. It was nothing horrible but it was creating a lot of resentment from me. I had spoken to him about it a million times, and he failed to resolve it. I guess he never took it serious because it seemed harmless. The moment his sister got involved, it was done. lol
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+1
Indian-American here. I can rely on my ILs for talking to DH if we are having difficulties. In any case, this is usually an  appeal for help.  As a new mother, I complained that my DH was working long hours to my MIL and I was overwhelmed.

She and FIL talked to DH (as well as their other grown kids) - and while my DH was not in a position to work shorter hours, his family rallied around me.  My MIL would come every  two week with her cleaning lady and get my house cleaned. I was getting meals from family members, and once or twice in a week, MIL and FIL would come to babysit my kid. This was a good break for me and helped me in the first few months of having a newborn. [/quote]

This is beautiful!  This is how family should come together.  Afro Caribbean American here, this is how we interact as a family, helping each other.  [/quote]

I think this can work when this is how the whole extended family functions. In cultures where this is the norm, it works. If this is not how your families interact with each other this is the only situation in which it has been done, it could be viewed as a major invasion of privacy. [/quote]

PPs are representing a rather rosy view of this dynamic, I am from one of these types of cultures and it doesn't always work that way, and can, in fact, [b]be harmful or downright dangerous if the in-laws don't like you[/b] it can also be difficult to establish your own boundaries and preferences or what youw ant your relationship to be if  the in laws don't agree.[/quote]

Wouldn't the bolded be obvious?

Do you think OP's SIL would approach her if she did not like him? I hope not.
[/quote]

You would think so, but no[/quote]

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