Reply to Mother always tries to embarrass me in front of my kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do some of these posters think they more about OP’s mother’s intentions than OP herself?[/quote]

I don't think that.

But I do find in my own life when I am struggling with a personal dynamic, that it is helpful to be reminded that I don't always know the other person's intentions and should not impute them.  Rather, I should focus on the actions, and my response to them.  I was trying to do that here.

If OP does not like the negative references, she should absolutely say that, and develop strategies to shut the stories down or avoid the situation.  But she should also consider whether changing her own mindset is also a viable option (not saying it is!) as other posters have indicated they choose not to look at these childhood stories through the same lens. Of course it is up to the OP to decide what is best for her and her children.  The mom could just be bullheaded, forgetful, caught up in nostalgia that she wants to share when she looks at her daughter's children, etc.  [b]She is not necessarily a manipulative bully, jealous of her daughter, etc[/b].    [/quote]

Or she might be, why is this so hard for people to wrap their heads around? If you can't imagine this then maybe this isn't the thread for you. People like my mom who [b]do this[/b] as well, aren't forgetful, and if you knew her and seen this in action, you would know it too. [/quote]

PP you are responding to- I know that she could be, and I wrote my post intending to allow for that possibility.  My entire point was that we don't know. That isn't to say OP's feelings aren't valid.  It is to say that, absent a history of lots of other types of conduct to support it, I don't know how we impute these characteristics and intentions.

As I said earlier, my own mother also "does this" and it doesn't bother me and I know it is not from a place of mean-spiritedness.  So the conduct alone does not support the imputed intention, or necessitate the same emotional response.[/quote]

Why not give the OP the benefit of the doubt and not the mother who isn't posting? You're twisting yourself into a pretzel to avoid the possibility that OP knows what she's talking about. That it doesn't bother you what your mom does is totally irrelevant.[/quote]

1. Because I was offering a way to think about the situation that may help.
1. OP only said the mother "tried to embarrass her"  Giving her "the benefit" of the doubt, that is not the same thing as many people have extrapolated to her mother being a manipulative, jealous, bully...[/quote]

How nice for you to have no idea what the OP is talking about. Consider yourself lucky.[/quote]

So let me get this right- I cannot offer a perspective from my own experience.  But you, based on your own experience, are completely certain that you can impute intentions and characteristics on the mother that OP herself never said?[/quote]

Maybe read the OP again. You're leaving out some of the details. [/quote]

I did.  Please help me identify what I missed?  Other than the "tried to embarrass me", the OP stayed almost entirely to the actions and not the intentions/characteristics- the mother says things about her childhood that reflect badly on her, when called out the mother apologized, cried, and said OP was being too hard on her.  Where is the mention of manipulative jealous bully?[/quote]

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