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[quote=Anonymous]As someone with a parent with severe dementia and a parent who can be verbally/emotionally abusive (not to the degree OP’s mom is though), I think you should go see your dad one last time. Say your goodbyes, hug him, tell him in person you love him. Even if he doesn’t recognize you or seem to know you’re there, even if your mom is horrible to you when you are there, even if it’s really unpleasant and uncomfortable and traumatic.

Don’t take your kid. Have your kid make a card or some art work for your dad, FaceTime w your kid while there maybe. But don’t take your kid. She’s too young to go and since you haven’t seen him in 2 years, she probably doesn’t really remember him anyway or her memory of him is so different than how he is now that she won’t understand. I have a 4 yr old and 6 yr old who still see my parent with dementia but we live only an hour away and they’ve been consistently seeing their grandparents throughout grandmas decline with dementia so they somewhat know what to expect, know that grandma is sick and may say or do something upsetting or may be feeling bad and not want to see them when we go. As hard as it is my kids see her often enough that they are used to it at this point and I think they understand that she’s sick and can’t control much of what she says/does. I think if they hadn’t seen her in 2 years, it would be too traumatic for them to see how much she’d changed in 2 years. [/quote]

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