Reply to How do some people luck out with great adult kids and others have kids who abandon them

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Reply to "How do some people luck out with great adult kids and others have kids who abandon them"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This should say "how do some people luck out with great parents and others have ones that kicked them around for their whole lives?"

Of course some people have legitimately bad kids for whatever reason I suppose, some personality disorder. But for the majority of people, if none of their kids show up for their funeral or seem like they give a crap when they die, then they were probably a garbage parent in ways that they themselves might not even understand.

[b]My mom would CERTAINLY describe me as distant or aloof and when she dies I will attend and go through the motions, I'll probably even cry, but her death will be the cutting of shackles that have been on me my whole life. It will be a new beginning, an era of my ability to live my life without the threat of her narcississtic, BPD instability hovering over me[/b]. [/quote]

I relate to this. Now with age my mother cannot hide her narcissism and rage issues as well, so while I am her primary scapegoat, since i have backed away some it occasionally leaks out toward others. Those who haven't seen it think she's amazing. She could turn on the charm and she was quite beautiful up through her 60s. That combo makes people overlook the signs that someone is not a nice person. Now that her looks and charm have faded she certainly does win over new people. That said, I had to come up with things to say to people who gush to me about how wonderful my mother is and I assume I will need to to do the same for her when she dies, if she doesn't kill me off first with her tantrums. "It sounds like you had some great experiences with her" "It sounds like you were very fond of her." I can keep it classy and not tell the truth, while not lying-just reflect back. I do think if she ever passes away (seems to be in great health) it will be a new begging when the abuse finally stops. I can finally never see her Golden child as well...who joined in on the abuse. I will give her a funeral and go through the motions. My tears will probably be because I still wonder how she could have been so cruel and volatile. There will be no slide show or stories of what a saint she was. I will not share my truth because there is no point. I will just give her a generic goodbye.[/quote]

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