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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sad reading this post.  I observe elderly asians at the gym, pre-covid, whose kids would always be there helping them workout etc..  A couple of my asian co-workers also look after their elderly parents without a fuss. [/quote]

It's cultural. It is also common in such families for grandparents to be the primary source of childcare while parents work, and for young people to live with their parents well into their 20s and sometimes even 30s to save money for their own homes and families. Or, if the families are well off, for parents to provide substantial financial support to enable children to attend graduate school, for instance.

[b]You cannot look at how people care for the elderly members of their family without viewing it as part of a larger picture of care and support. [/b]My DH and I paid our own way through school (with loans). We paid for our own wedding. We saved the money for our down payment ourselves. When we had a baby, we did not receive any financial support from our families and receive tons of demands for visits and quality time with our kids but zero offers of support for our family. Even during Covid, when I had to go part time in order to homeschool our kid, our families response was "well, good luck to you."

If they are expecting to come live with us or to provide chauffeur service or to, oh my god, help them work out at a gym.... well, good luck to them.

This is what happens when you take individualism to its maximum point. It's not great![/quote]

Agree with this. I previously posted that my sister had my mom move in with her when she was widowed. But, my parents also intentionally moved to live near her when they retired and spent a lot of time providing childcare for her kids. Her ex-husband is useless so my dad was really the surrogate father for her boys. I was a little sad that my parents' move meant they stopped visiting me as much (we live on the other side of the country) but I also knew eventually my sister would handle most of the burden of elder care. I provide what emotional support I can and visit regularly. DH's sibling's family also was also very involved in providing care for his parents and it was the same situation that his parents provided most of the childcare they had needed when their kids were little.

I can understand if the parents were not at all involved in supporting their kids as best they can that the kids would feel less desire to do the same for them. And, if a childless person hopes to have younger relatives be their emotional/logistical support in later life, it's on them to give of themselves to nurture that relationship. I have a childless cousin in her 50s who will likely be well cared for by her nieces and nephews because she has been intensely involved in their lives since they were born. [/quote]

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