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[quote=Anonymous]I’m going to build on what the psychologist poster said earlier in this thread.  The limerence situation is more than a crush. With a crush you think someone is cute and interesting and you’d love to hang out with them.  The limerence situation is triggered by some very deep emotional need that (1) has not previously been fulfilled and in fact may have seemed hopelessly impossible before the new person came along, and (2) the new person triggered it such that the limerent person is now filled with incredible vigor and hope for the future - that all the wrongs of the past will be vindicated and the past suffering will have been worth it to have the promise of this new found love that will wholly fulfill that deep seated longing and need.

The key to extricating yourself from this is to trace back what triggered these seemingly irrationally strong feelings.  Without going into all the background, for me i was triggered by someone describing a performance that they’d seen as “alluring.”  I’d never really heard a man use a term like that.  He spoke in this gentle way that was much kinder than I experienced with my abusive and emotionally cold husband.  Not to mention - my emotionally cold mother.  Yep, recipe for disaster. I played up wanting more of that type of discussion.  I imagined what it would be like to be with a warm, nurturing man who could see beauty in the arts and found others (maybe me?) alluring.  Nothing physical at all happened between us. But it was my background plus his inadvertent trigger that caused the fantastical, escapist thinking to commence.  When I look back I’m sad for how lonely I was back then.  Fortunately I realized where it went wrong and took steps to address this loneliness in more appropriate ways.  [/quote]

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