Reply to “I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”

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Reply to "“I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you only recently went back to work, this is a new division of labor. I think you should talk it over when you are less mad.

We have 2 kids at 2 schools. We each are listed first for 1 kid. We each read emails and do forms for 1 school.  [/quote]

I think this is key.  I’ve been in your shoes, OP, going back to work after being a SAHM with a spouse in a demanding profession.  After a couple of months we realized we had underestimated the impact it would have on both of our work lives, and how much flexibility we would each have to juggle everything.  We worked it out, but it took some serious discussions where we both had to lay down our own needs and interests for a bit and really listen to what the other person needs.

You are recently back to work, re-establishing yourself not only in a new job but as a professional generally.  Fair or not, your employer likely is scrutinizing your attendance, productivity and responsiveness even more than usual for a new employee given the gap in your resume, so you need to be that much more on the ball right now to prove yourself.  You need him to take on more of these disruptions so you can do that.

Your husband works a demanding job where everyone around him has become accustomed to him being fully present and available all the time, with no unexpected interruptions from home.  Heck, perhaps he wouldn’t have gotten to his current position at all if he’d had to juggle work and home life all those years.  If he suddenly starts calling out a lot, people are going to wonder if he’s slipping and perhaps not up to the job anymore.  You’re working now but he’s still the primary breadwinner and may be concerned about your financial stability if he were to lose his job because his employer and/or clients lose confidence in him, so he needs to maintain a steady presence at work.  He needs you to take on more of these disruptions so he can do that.

You both have competing needs that have to be reconciled in a way that works for both of you.  One of you may have to compromise more than the other, you may need to find outside help with stuff, you (and by you I mean both of you) may need to adjust your expectations for how your home life functions, I don’t know what the answer is because it’s particular to your situation.  But bickering over who should have to bear the burden of your child is not a healthy way to do it.

This is an opportunity if you want it to be.  This kind of thing will happen again, so this is a good opening to talk to your husband about the realities of these kinds of events and how you can/will share effort going forward.[/quote]

Good post. OP, everything depends on your specific situation, but it's time for you and your husband to lay out the facts for your options. Do you need the income from his job? Do you need the income from your job?  What supports do you need in place if you both work? Lots of other questions but the point is to figure out what it really means for both of you to work and who's responsible for what in daily life.[/quote]

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