Reply to When your spouse loves you, but is in love with someone else

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[quote=Anonymous]I’m sorry, op. I’d not have married him, though that’s water over the bridge for you now.

More troubling to me is if you truly believed all this was in the past, or if he wanted you to think it was?  He shows a deceptive streak, one I don’t like.  I’d be far more comfortable if he said “oh look, Sally is getting married, come take a look”. This moves her into friend of the marriage teritory v. old girlfriend he’s still in love with territory.  I’d also bet that you found out what was going on because of how he treats you. The problem with having a fantasy is that the real life partner isn’t treated well. Things like “I’d love it if you brought me coffee” become Why can’t you get it yourself” because the fantasy isn’t making requests/suggestions/demands ever.

My guess is that your husband may have been fine but you felt he didn’t truly love and care for you, not the way a romantic partner should.

I’d ask that he cut off all contact, including passive contact (reading social media posts and the like) or he include you on everything. Group texts, frequent mention of you, the works.

It’s not clear to me if hes truly hiding something, or if he just doesn’t know how to be married.

Good luck, op and I’m sorry.  You didn’t deserve this.  [/quote]

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