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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you need to find a casual activity you can do with your kid on a regular basis. Something that is not aimed at achievement or improving in any way. I like to go for extremely easy hikes with my kid, especially this time of year. We pick a shortish hike that will take us near some water (my kid likes water) and the rule is no phones. We walk and talk, look at the water, then walk and talk back, get in the car, and go on with our lives. Sometimes my kid confides in me about real stuff -- what is going on with friends or school, fears or excitement about the future, etc. But often we just talk about a TV show we've been watching, or foods, or where we might want to go on vacation next year. There is no agenda, and I don't ever use this as an opportunity to push on something I've been stressed about or try to pry out information. If my kid is in a bad mood or doesn't feel like talking, we don't.

It's a relief, for both of us. We can just be together. My kid has a good sense of humor, and her mind sometimes comes up with the weirdest connections between things. I like watching that happen and being surprised by the stuff she says. Sometimes she complains, but she also sometimes catches me complaining and calls me on it, reminds me to be both accepting and proactive, as I've always reminded her.  I like that over the years, she's changed in some ways and in others stayed purely and absolutely herself. It's interesting to watch.

That's it. That's my advice. Just spend some pressure-free, agenda less time with your kid on a regular basis. The way you would schedule time to just hang out with a friend or your spouse, because you like them and spending time with them brings you joy. And tell your kid "hey, thanks for hanging out with me today -- I like you." He will figure the rest out on his own, mostly. It's his life. Don't give up the chance to get to be a part of it because you're working so hard at trying to control it.[/quote]

They should have "Like" button here. Completely agree with your post. 
OP, I was a super high achiever in HS and college - math/science olympiads (not sure if there is an equivalent in US, but high level competitions), straight "A's, etc. My DS is happily "average". While he gets decent scores in math and is on higher track, he is much better with language arts and he actively dislikes math. It used to upset me, till I figured out that his brain just works differently than mine. I absolutely agree with picking an activity that is "agenda free" and enjoy it together. I guarantee you that you will find amazing qualities/abilities in your kid that will trump all the disappointment. Mine knows so much interesting historical facts, it absolutely boggles my mind AND he has been trying to learn Japanese (for obvious anime reasons). The point is, your kid is an achiever somewhere :), even if it is the highest score in Fortnite. I read somewhere that it is one of the hardest things as a parent to switch from "boss mode" in early childhood to "guide mode" in adolescence. Let your kid invite you in his world and you will be amazed how interesting it is![/quote]

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