Reply to "Walkaway Wife"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a great thread. So supportive and thoughtful. Unusual for this site. ❤️[/quote]

NP and agree! The pp's all contributed greatly. OP,  you do introspection very well. I was waiting to find out that your kids are only 10/8. This is really the crux of it. It's not just about you. In fact, your struggle with the permanence of the decision is because of your kids. They're so young.

I also think your fixation on the word love is distracting you. It's really about trust. Very hard to tackle falling back in love or at the very least feeling love toward the father of you children without trust. That's what needs to be repaired.

Can you trust him again? As others said, he decided to fix things on his terms, when he was ready. You've stated this very clearly. Throughout this thread, all the work you've been doing is just business. How will you handle a divorce with kids. What will that look like long term, as another poster said. You've made peace with the business details which are most important for the kids sake. But work needs to be done on trusting him again.

It must be exhausting for you at this point, like you're all talked out emotionally. I've felt like this in my marriage sometimes. Love can't be forced. Trust might be salvaged. Just know that neither of you are the same as you were when you fell in love. None of us are. I think this needs to happen organically, but not before you search the depths of your heart and can say yes or no to trusting him again. Can you? Do you believe he's sincerely remorseful? Does he love you? Has he said he's still in love with you, still desires you, grateful for the incredible job you've done as the mother of his children?

It hit me hard when you said he now sees how great your kids are. That's a decade of trust right there. Not sure I could recover from that alone. Other suggest more therapy, more talking, more everything. I'm exhausted for you. I'd dip out of therapy and let him continue solo. Therapist should guide him from here. There's not much more you can contribute. It's his turn to do the work. You need to get back to the business of you. He must start walking the talk, first and foremost with your kids. He needs to earn their trust back. You need to feel secure that you can trust him to be the dad he wasn't. For now, don't think in terms of a timeline. Get to a point where you can like him again. Trust facilitates love, whatever that may be in this stage of your lives. I hope it happens for you. But you also seem very capable if it doesn't.

Sorry for the lengthy response. 💕[/quote]

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