Reply to I'm a 53 year old woman and I just found out my Dad (died 6 year ago) was gay

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "I'm a 53 year old woman and I just found out my Dad (died 6 year ago) was gay"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]You mention that this “might send you back to therapy” implying you’ve been to therapy?  That isn’t a problem, you may want to integrate why you were in therapy before with what is going on now.  People just don’t decide to go to therapy, and if you’re going to go back, you want to give the therapists all your data points so they can best help you.  Also, nobody and no thing sends you anywhere. You aren’t a package.

I’m not at all comfortable with your mom “swearing you to secrecy”… you aren’t 12 and you didn’t just see Uncle Jack out with another woman.  You are an adult, your father is dead, has been dead for awhile and your mom uncorks what she knew would upset you, and then she swears you tell no one.  She doesn’t get to do that.  She especially doesn’t get to tell you not to tell your sister.  You may choose not to tell but she can’t swear you to anything.  I’d be exploring that in therapy, why you feel compelled to keep this secret.  Also, don’t be surprised to learn that she has indeed told other people.  I also wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn that she’s also gay.

I’d also explore why this revelation bothers you, are you wondering how you were conceived or if your father isn’t really your father at least not biologically? Does biology matter to you?  Do you feel you missed things and are now wondering about your whole childhood?

Are you trying to place comments your mom made “you don’t need a man” “true love can survive anything” “I don’t know why you get annoyed when your husband travels 50 weeks out of the year” into some form of context?

Given your mom’s age, I’d also be looking at dementia.  She uncorked something that seems to upset you, that you can’t process based on what you know of your family, something that can’t ever be proven, and which she’s “sworn you to secrecy” the way you’d swear an older sibling not to tell their cousin that Grandma is getting him a new bike for Christmas.   
just need to grieve that the world was so cruel that your dad thought he had to keep a part of himself hidden.  If I were you, I’d talk to someone skilled in lgbtq issues, someone skilled in old people issues, someone skilled in parenting, and maybe even a grief counselor. You are an adult, and the beauty of this is that you can seek out advice and insight from anybody be it a pastor, a bar tender, the family dog, anybody. Your mom doesn’t get to prevent you from seeking the resources and help you need. She doesn’t have to answer questions, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try to get comfortable with whatever may be going on.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics