Reply to I'm a 53 year old woman and I just found out my Dad (died 6 year ago) was gay

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Reply to "I'm a 53 year old woman and I just found out my Dad (died 6 year ago) was gay"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, the PP above makes an excellent point.  How you wrap your head around this is showing your mom how much you appreciate her marriage-long support of your dad.  She’s still here, and she deserves someone letting her talk and showing care for what she has been through too.  I know you want everyone to know and appreciate him for who he truly was, but it was a secret he wanted to keep and she is continuing to respect his wishes.  Giving her the chance to talk about her life with him, and telling her how much you appreciate her support of him, will help being closure to both you and her.  [/quote]

I'm the second woman who posted about the experience of finding out my father was guy. I agree with you that my mom's journey is important and valid.  But I'm not my mom's therapist, and drawing my mom out on her anger and many complex feelings about why she chose to stay married to my father is not my job.  I had to learn this through years of therapy.  I'm not one of my mother's female friends.  I'm her child.  Boundaries are very, very important in dysfunctional families.[/quote]

Then not letting your mom talk about something so impactful in her life with you is your choice.  My relationship with my mother was different and I would have given her the opportunity to share with me if she wanted.[/quote]

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