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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Funerals bring out the best and WORST in people.  However, I can't imagine myself refusing to attend the funeral of my best friend just because their children asked me to leave during the final days with their mom so they could have that private family time with her.  Would I be offended and hurt?  Possibly, but for me, not likely.  And I can't imagine myself calling my best friend's children "those ugly people" unless they truly did something vile and evil to my friend.

I know someone who is sort of like this with dying family members, friends.  She has a personality disorder.  She is also catholic - and I say that because I think she has a very strong sense of "do unto others as you would want others to do unto you" - meaning she is always trying to "help" people even when the help is unwanted, and she sees it as not only her right, but a duty from the highest power, and she gets very upset when that level of help is not returned to her in the same way.  She very much wants to feel needed, (to her, being needed equates to being loved) and in a way, really shines at funerals and is very outgoing and social, and is always offended when she is not given the proper honor (either in the obituary, in level of involvement, or being included in those photo montage videos)[/quote]

This.

Without more details and perspectives it's impossible to say that Ruth really was not treated badly or is just grieving or was Pam's lover... anything is possible.

But narcissists and related (histrionics etc.) are quite fond of forcing themselves into situations where they can be in power and seen as martyrs or angels... They prefer to help people who are very old, developmentally disabled, very young (especially babies), dying... or animals. People for whom they think they can be their "voice." And of course, when you help those poor forgotten souls, you get all the kudos for it.

This line from the OP stood out to me: "Ruth liked to “fill in the gaps” where she thought the caretakers were lacking."

It could be that the caretakers were lacking. It could be that Ruth is just meticulous. Or it could be that she's controlling and that she feels she MUST insert herself into everything even when it's not remotely necessary. [/quote]

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