Reply to Parent Guilty Tripping After Moving Into Assisted Living

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I so relate OP. I had to get therapy to learn to detach. My mother sucked me dry of every ounce of empathy I had and EVERY thing I did for her got erased. I did in my health and sanity helping her and was guilt tripped to the point I was enraged. She even called ME selfish. That was it. I now see her as a pathetic self centered person who I realize has always been a narcissist. I do what I can while maintain my sanity. When she complains I change the subject or leave. I have nothing left for her and she will never get it because she didn't do much for her own parents (though she rewrote history on that one).[/quote]

I could have written this exact same post regarding my mom. [/quote]

Same here. My mom hates where she lives - and she's in independent living. When I see her now, she sees every opportunity to pick a fight, belittle me or say something hateful. She tells me how much she hates her life. She can seem to find no joy.

People who try to make you feel guilty should count themselves lucky not to have a parent like this. I think my mom has always had an undiagnosed mental disorder and in her old age, it is really revealing itself.

For me, I have to detach. I will not allow myself to take her verbal abuse. It's sad because she could choose happiness but she'd rather wallow in self pity. [/quote]

My mother acts like this too.  But she lives at home.  My father died suddenly a couple years back, so I think she's just stuck in a loop of anger and dissatisfaction.  Until she accepts her circumstances, it's just going to be like this.

What gets me is that she seems to have normal conversations with other people.  And she dotes on them.  For my sister and I all she can find is dissatisfaction, anger and resentment.  Nothing we can do about it really.  We've both had her come stay with us for months during the pandemic.  I even offered for her to move up here and be my neighbor and help take care of her and make her dinner.  But she's just stuck in the anger and disappointment.  It seems sad and pointless to me, but it's not my life so I can't change it.[/quote]

Wow I found my people. Mother has been full of vitriol since dad declined and then died. All aimed at me-not at siblings who do not live in area. Very verbally abusive when in a bad mood. Wallows in self-pity despite having kushy life and little empathy for us who are really in the thick of it with the sandwich. Her close friend may occasionally get a glimpse of her crazy, but nothing like what I endure. I have learned to be in her life with boundaries and how to detach and have incredibly low expectations for her behavior. I have gotten better at not getting as upset physically and emotionally when she lashes out. If she would only stay on her psychiatric meds....[/quote]

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