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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My spouse is diagnosed with ASD, depression and anxiety.  OP - h3et DH (assuming)  on medication stat if there are comorbidities. AFAIK ASD isn't medicated, but if there's other dx like above or OCD, ADHD, etc. then take those pills. He'll need a psychiatrist and therapist.  For it to have gone on so long undetected might indicate some childhood or family trauma and dysfunction.

PP who mentioned Cassandra syndrome is right.  You also need to take care of yourself and your kids. Seek out individual therapy if you think you need it. We used to do couples therapy, but even the therapist agreed it was a waste of time and dropped us.

My kids are too young for therapy, but that's something we might revisit as they get older. We got them screened for ASD because tbecause there's a strong genetic component. So far it doesn't seem they have it. I am basically taking care of the kids 100%, even though we live with their father. He does spend time with them, but it is supervised and scheduled.
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Could you not see any of this before marriage? [/quote]

He masked it extremely well.  If we never had kids,  he might have been able to mask forever.  The twins were a triggering event. [/quote]

DP.  The kids were also a triggering event for me as the NT spouse.  I have always been pretty independent, and before the kids, having a partner was about having someone to live with, go out with, have sex with.  We have a lot of the same interests, love to talk together (he loves it when I share technical jargon about my work).  We had the same social circle.  We were both a little sloppy and liked to play video games, so we were good roommates.  The sex has always been good as long as I am explicit about what I want.

But then we had kids, and I had to rely on him as a partner.  That was when it showed up for both of us.  [/quote]

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