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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

This whole thread is an insult to those who truly struggle with ASD. Some make lovely spouses. Ask me how I know. They simply struggle with social communication... but many try very hard.

If your spouse is an a**hole, he or she is an a**hole, not on the spectrum. [/quote]

I posted earlier and have a husband and a child with ASD.  
I understand what you are saying here, but the thing is that a simple struggle with social communication can contribute to a lack of self-awareness that does often look like narcissism.  
1). My husband and son have difficulty describing their own thoughts and emotions.  When someone posted that she doesn’t know what her family members have been dealing with all day at school or at work, I know what she means.  My other kids will hop in the car at the end of the school day and vent.  My son with ASD will describe something interesting that he was just reading about.  He doesn’t seem to observe his own mind, or at least he doesn’t think it’s interesting enough to talk about.  And since he doesn’t observe himself in the situations he is experiencing, he doesn’t know how changing himself can change the situation, so he doesn’t change, he doesn’t adapt to others, and this feels to other people like he doesn’t care or expects them to do all of the work to maintain the friendship.

2). Misreading social cues means that you don’t really recognize when you are making people happy, sad, irritated, bored, etc.  Most NT people go through their lives slightly adjusting their behavior in response to cues from others.  People with ASD don’t do this, or don’t do it well.  And if you are putting out signals that you are bored or irritated or frightened, and the other person just continues doing what they are doing, that feels like they don’t care.  Even if the motivation is different, and it’s because signals are misinterpreted, not because you don’t care about your spouse, the feeling on the receiving end is the same.

So while I understand that your internal experience is that you aren’t a narcissist, that doesn’t mean that the feelings your spouse or parent has are wrong or unfounded.  There is a lot of loneliness in being the spouse of someone with ASD.   [/quote]

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