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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Also, there is a difference between having a crush and seeking out that crush. I am a PP. I’m not saying to stop having a crush. You can’t control how you feel. But you can absolutely control your conscious behavior and conscious thoughts. Do not seek out this crush and do not daydream about your crush.

If you cannot control yourself and find yourself fixating please get help. Like therapy to work through what’s going on here. If you are fixating that will also be a tell that something would have eventually probs happened and not good.[/quote]

+1 at a certain point, especially in adult life a crush becomes inappropriate if not unhealthy.

There's a thing called limerance and it's not healthy and I think that's what some pps are experiencing.
[/quote]

Hmm… learn a new word every day.

Interesting that half the PPs are like, hey this is healthy and enjoy it. And half are like, it’s pathological and will ruin your life and marriage. There must be something very unresolved about the way we as a society deal with attraction if the response is split in such a polarized way. Maybe it would be healthier not to place such a huge emphasis on monogamy, and define everything around an ideal that excludes any other feelings towards others as threats.

My personal feeling is that a crush doesn’t necessarily have to be a reflection of where you are with your marriage. We have different intense (positive and negative) feelings for everyone in our lives, and then we have these templates that kind of channel and interpret them in a way that is deemed socially acceptable. Maybe the truth is we can have feelings like this outside of marriage and it just is what it is. If so I’d like to think it would be possible to accept and acknowledge it instead of repressing it.[/quote]

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