Reply to Why can't men [my DH] multitask????

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think this is different things for different people. I am certain in my home that my husband’s ADHD has a role — and this impacts him at work as well. He truly is timeblind— and learning about that helped me not be so mad.

But I also think that most men weren’t raised in homes where there was this assumption that they needed to figure out multitasking kind of stuff related to the household. They might have “had chores” but they didn’t babysit where they had to figure out 5 things at once — baby crying, toddler needs to pee, chicken nuggets about to burn, what do I do? I actually never babysat either, but I definitely was multitasking within the home. I will never rely on my husband to cook a meal, because he has no ability to deal with the timing of it all. He would totally do it, but I don’t want to eat at 9pm because he makes everything else and then realizes that the baked potatoes need to go in the oven for 1.5 hours.

[b]I also think the perfectionism of moms and the pressure society puts on us plays a role. I rebel against this nonsense and it helps. I don’t give a crap about what anyone thinks about my parenting. My kids can wear whatever they want, eat whatever they want within some reasonable parameters, etc. if my kid misses getting dressed up for spirit day — who cares???? In the OP example, who cares if he puts the dishes in the dishwasher now or later — there isn’t actually a right or wrong answer. Women need to let some stuff go. [/b]

But there is also the major societal problem that women are now expected to work and still carry the vast majority of the home front. It is a nightmare.[/quote]

This.

I commented earlier on this thread (I'm the woman unable to multi-task who recommended basically being explicit about what "morning shift" chores are and then letting him fail/figure it out) but the bolded is the other half of it. We have a cleaning person who comes once a month. Besides spot cleaning the kitchen counters and kitchen floors most evenings, you know how much cleaning we do in between? Zero. Zilch. I wash towels and sheets once a month each. No one cares or complains. When my friends have babies, do I cook a bunch of food and bring it over? Nope, send a GrubHub gift card, move on. My husband is in charge of cooking, and I do. not. give. a. crap. if it's pizza followed by pasta followed by pancakes. Great, yum, and he always includes a side of veggies. My kids don't have baby books. We get our produce (conventional! non-organic!) along with everything else, from Giant Delivers. It's fine but not great. Awesome. CPS hasn't come for my kids yet!

If you want your husband to do half, it has to be half of a reasonable amount of stuff. Lower your standards![/quote]

I’m The Second Shift PP and this is one way to deal with the stalled revolution. Both parents do less around the house.

We’re having hot dogs for dinner. This is not an unusual meal plan. [/quote]

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