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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Up until a couple years ago, both DH and I drank too much. We'd come home from work and each have a cocktail, then each have maybe 2 more over the course of the evening. If it was the weekend, we'd have a couple at brunch too. We weren't falling down drunk but were overdoing it and it was not healthy.

Then I got pregnant with our now toddler, which forced me to pull it together. It was easier for me, and I had a very good reason to abstain. DH had some bad nights overdoing it and ended up going to a few AA meetings, but decided he was comfortable cutting way back instead of being sober. After she was born, we agreed to limit ourselves to one alcoholic beverage in the evening. With dinner, I will have one glass of wine and DH will have an IPA. We try to avoid hard liquor, as DH has struggled to moderate his consumption of it when he has access. Since we've had[b] our "1 glass" agreement[/b], there have been a couple times when he's snuck a shot of something, and it's always obvious to me and he feels awful about it. He feels a lot of shame about abusing alcohol.

Late last night I noticed a 12 oz water glass on a shelf in the basement. It smelled like wine. Asked DH about it and he fell apart - he doesn't even enjoy wine but he was out of beers and it was the only thing in the fridge. I was taking a bath at the time, he was playing a video game, and he'd already had his one beer with dinner but felt the urge for something more. It makes me so sad that he felt the need to reach for something he doesn't like the taste of, and fill up a glass that's so much bigger than our actual wine glasses.

I asked if there have been other secret times recently. He said that on the few occasions when I've met a friend for dinner after putting our daughter to bed, he's had 2 beers while I've been out. I know this doesn't sound too excessive (and I hope it was not more than 2) but I feel a sense of real unease and dread about the secrecy and lack of control. And this is while our toddler is sleeping. What if she needed him?

We've talked about having another child soon (and I just turned 39 so we don't have oodles of time) and I would really love to, but after last night, I'm anxious about doubling down on kids with someone who is struggling with alcohol (but who is a wonderful, kind, and hardworking person and a great dad).

It's a hard situation. Wondering if anyone has a similar experience or thoughts for me. Thanks.[/quote]

If you need these type of policies and agreements, there is likely problem drinking going on.[/quote]

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